It is New Year’s Eve Eve, I am somewhere in Shibuya, again.

It is New Year’s Eve Eve, I am somewhere in Shibuya, again. My beer is Yebisu (the Y is silent). The synths ring like robots singing praises to their battery overlords. It’s like 1999 in 2018, and I feel at home in this moment. As the year comes to an end, we all reflect, right? We scrape up the parts of ourselves that started to fade, hoping to salvage something close to a feeling of wholeness. No one wants to feel incomplete. Maybe I don’t feel good complete. Maybe that’s why when I have something I see what happens when I lose it. Ultimately, we define our lives and vision. For some it could be cultivating the best orchard, with the sweetest, juiciest, crunchiest apples ever. Apples so good maybe God would have given Eve a second chance. Or for some, going as deep as possible into a feeling, such as nostalgia, to find out what’s really there. Do you miss her? Do you miss how she made you feel? Do you miss all the surrounding truths at the time when she loved you? Is it all of these? None of these? I love questions. I love questions maybe more than answers. Dr. Jordan Peterson, a mentor of mine, has helped me immensely with this. It’s these questions that pull us forward, into the unknown, into the chaos, out of the comfort of our own deceit. I don’t ever want to be okay, I want to be alive. To quote Carl Jung, I’d rather be whole than be good. What’s next?

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